Life
by colormeahotmess
Summary: He's never seen it as a gift, something to be thankful for. He only sees it as a curse that won't leave him the hell alone.


**Author's Note**: Aww, yes. Once the plot bunny grabs hold, it does not let go for the world! Here I am (again) with another story that I've had in my thoughts for a while, but never had the determination to actually put down. Well, here it is. Enjoy, and please review!

**Disclaimer**: I've only done this twice and I'm already tired of it. Anyway, I do not own any of the characters in this story. I am only using them for my own imaginative whims. They belong to DC Universe. Of course, I don't need to say that I wish all of them were mine…or at least Jason.

Life

When has he ever truly lived? He can't really remember a time when Life hasn't been given a negative connotation in his twisted mind.

Well, maybe he can, but he's far from ready to return back down that dark, winding road to Wayne Manor.

In most of his time on this shitty planet, Life gives him a horrid hand dealt by the devil called Fate. And no matter how determined he is to kick its ass back to the cosmos, it loves to return and show him how horribly hard it can kick back. And before he even becomes aware, he's at square one again, with no purpose and no place to call his own.

When he really thinks about it, isn't that exactly what he's been wanting since his 'life' began?

He knows how lucky he was to have found Bruce and Alfred and the mansion they called House, but not Home.

He knows how the concept of Robin was a sacred opportunity only given to those who proved truly worthy. And that's the problem. He also knows he wasn't worthy, was perhaps the only one to don the costume who wasn't. That's why he trusts Talia's words, even as he inwardly gags at the shit he's consuming from her hand. That's why he dons the mask and attacks those he considers the closest thing to family he's got.

That's why he constantly tries to reassure himself that _this_ is the right path to justice, not Bruce's, not Dick's, not Tim's or anyone else's. This path is _his_, and his alone. It's the only thing he can say belongs to him, because everything else has been taken away, and he honestly doesn't know if he can ever get it back.

Death

The first time he feels anything positive for Life is when his is ending. After Joker has beaten his body to a bloody mess, has left him to suffer in a half dazed, half crazed delusion of Batman's rescue.

He knows Batman won't make it. The Robin in him is calmly, logically telling him that even without the bomb, he'll probably die anyway. He's struggling to breathe past his collapsed lung and blood loss. If he doesn't kick the proverbial bucket here, he'll kick it at the hospital, or in the Batcave, or during the ride Home.

But it's not like he's ever given Logic a second glance. So his heart sighs and cries and _screams_ for his dad. He yells for Bruce, not Batman. He cries for his father, not his vigilante hero. He sighs for his foolishness, and wishes that he could have had more time to grow and become the son his dad deserves.

Fate declines his plea, and the warehouse is annihilated with his remaining hope. He never gets it back.

Resurrection

When Death leaves him once again in Life's care, the sensations are not dissimilar from his last remembered moments. He's trapped and gasping for air, and his body feels so _wrong_. And once again, he's screaming his father's name, desperate for a sensation other than the worms slithering across his skin. Again, Bruce does not come for him, and he's forced to bite the rising claustrophobia and claw his way to the surface, where he takes in his first breath of clean air since his demise. He wanders in the cold night, numb, and remembers feeling blessed for the first time in his existence. Ironic, since he's never been able to understand the concept of religion. But when Talia finds him, and takes care of him, and gives him a purpose when no one else has (_don't think of Bruce, he avenge me, he didn't care_), he almost sees her as an angel.

Too bad she fails to hide the blood on the tips of her wings. But he pretends he doesn't notice.

After all, she's all he has to hold onto, until the burning ache of Vengeance comes to his aid, and melts the numbness from his innards. He feels grateful for the warmth it provides, and the Life it gives him.

He's felt only Death for so, so long. This time, he knows Life is on his side. It will guide him in this quest for Justice, and will steer him in the direction of those winding roads, darker than ever, leading to Wayne Manor. It's time for this dead place to get some Life of its own.

His homecoming is long overdue.


End file.
